So, I’ll be writing, just not in my best format.

That aside, the best sound in the world is your child’s laughter. Hands down.

Me too.

Hence why I’m continually forcing myself in a new direction. There is no reason to hate or loathe another individual on any grounds (unless you hurt my family, red tape aside though) because it ultimately becomes a waste of vital energy and output that could have otherwise been spent on creating something unique and special. A surefire way to define and describe myself to watchful eyes. I’m sure you’re wondering what I mean by that? Maybe not. But I’m going to tell you either way because it’s my site and here we are.

‘Watchful eyes’ could be defined as my parents, my sibling, my aunts and uncles, hell, even myself. People who keep tabs on me and the life I’m leading while retaining this aire of “what I need to do”-dom in order to be happy and content on this road I am on. Newsflash! I don’t need hawking minds judging my every move or demeaning my every decision. Have I made wrong turns down a few dark alleys? Yeah. Who really, honestly hasn’t though? Seriously. I’ll cast the first stone…

I suppose I’m fed up with sharing a living space with so many people. By many, I mean two more than I’d like to. Am I grateful? Beyond a shadow of a doubt I will always remain in my parents debt. The time, love and energy spent (all while currently in their mid 50′s) to take care of my little Bella and I and Andrew has been more than anyone could ever hope for. I will be inconsolable when the day comes for us to move out. Bitter bitter sweet could best describe that days emotions. In all truthfulness, I’m slightly upset discussing in a blog. Pathetic? No. I’m not ashamed to live with my parents and I’ll accept the stigma others may look at me with. So what you are married and have a house of your own? So what you have incredible jobs that both fulfill your dreams and your wallets. You are no better than I am. Plain and simple. Let’s be even more  honest for a hot second: outside of myself, Andrew, my mother, father, sister & brother in law, and Erika, I don’t trust Bella with anyone. They don’t know her the way we do and thus, I could never expect her to be cared for properly. Is this a hurtful statement? Perhaps. Then again, maybe not. Seeing as effort has been severely lacking on some others parts. I don’t care if any of these words offend anyone, they are mine and I am too old and tired to hide my feelings because I’m “afraid” of what people might say.

Your fault.

I’m deeply disappointed by extended family and although it comes to me as no surprise, it still bothers me. I don’t know why, but it does. Every day gets a little easier and a little better, and the less I think of them, the happier I can make Bella’s life. Because I’m more pleasant when they are not involved. Mean mean mean. Oh well.

I know I am doing right by my daughter and if I am wrong by other’s standards, well, you can “suck a fuck.”

That is all for now. An abrupt end to an abrasive entry.

How I wish he was a real person, but rather is an intangible feat of desires I’ve yet to commit to. This picture sums up how over the last couple of years, I’ve let myself go. Replace syrup with chocolate and pregnancy cravings and you have a Jackie who is 1000% dissatisfied with how she looks. Funny picture, hurtful nod of my head that becomes the result.

How does one FIND the will power to say no to something as simple as unhealthy food? Seriously. And don’t give me the moderation speech. Fat people stay fat because “everything in moderation” keeps them hefty. You and I both know that is true so don’t give the scrunched up “nah” face.

Shut up and tell me the truth for once. That’s all I am asking.

I know it’s probably not meant to be taken as serious as I am about to make it, but I see a lot of deforestation undertones in this picture. Snaked from explodingdog.tumblr.com – I find it to speak a louder message than pretty colors and cute birds. Having studied the downfall of our planets ecosystem and the subsequent global warming due in large part (1 of many large parts) to deforestation, one tree cut down ruins more than most realize. I am not a “tree hugger” to the core, but I do love nature and I do my part by recycling and cutting back where I can.

The facts – do I understand why trees must be cut down? Yes. Does that mean the amazon rainforest should be sized down nearly 1/4 of what it once was because we need obscene amounts of paper to print every.thing on? No. People as a whole should take a second thought when turning their HP’s on to print the receipt from yesterday’s bank transfer. In other words, don’t waste paper on stupid shit. Fair enough? Thought so.

Just a simple picture with a bigger meaning. Thoughts?

This sums up a lot of what I’m trying to change in myself. People will continually ‘hate’ things I do and go that extra step to actually tell me what they think. Then I get hurt and mope. That’s no good. So, add this to the long list of “why I want to be a better person.”

It’s inevitable that people will criticize. I care, why?

More often than not I bite my tongue to avoid a backlash of negative opinions or from people seeing who I truly am. It occurs to me as of late, that I don’t give a shit damn if I offend or upset anyone. It’s who I am and what I do (that defines me?). Take me or leave me.

That being said, I cannot guarantee this blog to be interesting to all persons. Obviously we share differences, but it’s what joins us that matters most. I may not enjoy the same sports, music or jobs you have, and visa versus, but does that mean conversation will always be awkward or strained? It shouldn’t, and it won’t… unless I just dislike you. Seriously. There’s a reason why things are the way they are.

In any case, I’m trying to be a better me and by writing, I share my hopes of doing such with all of you.

Thank you in advance.

So her suggestions to get to your goal weight in a healthy, exercise/diet manner are the following:

“Diet is always key in building up your frame. You want enough protein, but don’t go overboard, otherwise you will look more like Chyna than you will me. NO sugar, NO carbs…that means no chips, no bread, no ice cream, no butter, no salts (or barely a dash) no rice, no pasta, nothing but nuts, protein, salads, veggies, fruits, and that’s about it. if you cannot dedicate yourself to a good diet, you can work out all you want and never see any results. Drink tons of water, green tea (hot or cold) w/ splenda and if you must have pop (or as you east coasters like to correct me “soda” though BOTH are WRONG it’s soda pop lol) VITAMINS, PEOPLE! You want to take a multi-vitamin daily, along with MSM (good for hair, skin and nails!) some fiber (who doesn’t like to poop easily?) Perfect Food pills (NOT the powder for drinks..ick!) to get all your veggie goodies, OMEGA 3 fish oil ESPECIALLY if you DO NOT EAT FISH! You NEED these! Iron for you ladies, unless your daily multi contains it…and that’s all I can think of for now. I take over 17 vitamin pills a day. ONCE you get to your target weight and frame, only THEN can you allow yourself ONE splurge day a week. if you do more than this, you will not be happy when you see the chunk come back. Also…NO DRINKING. Drinking is the top weight gainer out there.” -AC

Think I might just go off of this and see what happens. I mean, look at that bitch! She’s ripped! And by bitch, I mean badass.

Hooray for lifestyle changes!

I came across this picture from an awesome stock(ish) photography site: http://unpunk.tumblr.com but I had seen this picture many many years ago, in one of my many many Beatles biography books. It still amazes me to this day, that four young lads from Liverpool, England, changed the entire world. Whether it be through their music (incredible) or their style (MOP-TOP ANYONE?) I’m so thankful to have been so aware of The Beatles and their greatness for as long as I can remember. Bella will surely know who they are and who they were in hopes of keeping their song alive.

In any case, it’s nice to post photos from another time, to show that not everything was on a computer or an iPhone, a 50″ TV or a PS3. Music was most of what those people had back then, and in a lot of respects, the same concept exists today. Tell me music doesn’t change your mood? Tell me music doesn’t alter the course of an entire day, be it good or bad?

I thought so.

Keep ‘em alive, people. Keep ‘em alive.

Best line of 2010.