Many reasons as to why I feel unhappy, sad, or unproductive in such a busy world can easily be detected on a day to day basis from the unfriendly faces and ignorant attitudes I outwardly display. Unless of course, I don’t really know you, in which case you’ll believe me to be one of the funniest short girls you’ve ever met. Anyone see a problem with this?
Me too.
Hence why I’m continually forcing myself in a new direction. There is no reason to hate or loathe another individual on any grounds (unless you hurt my family, red tape aside though) because it ultimately becomes a waste of vital energy and output that could have otherwise been spent on creating something unique and special. A surefire way to define and describe myself to watchful eyes. I’m sure you’re wondering what I mean by that? Maybe not. But I’m going to tell you either way because it’s my site and here we are.
‘Watchful eyes’ could be defined as my parents, my sibling, my aunts and uncles, hell, even myself. People who keep tabs on me and the life I’m leading while retaining this aire of “what I need to do”-dom in order to be happy and content on this road I am on. Newsflash! I don’t need hawking minds judging my every move or demeaning my every decision. Have I made wrong turns down a few dark alleys? Yeah. Who really, honestly hasn’t though? Seriously. I’ll cast the first stone…
I suppose I’m fed up with sharing a living space with so many people. By many, I mean two more than I’d like to. Am I grateful? Beyond a shadow of a doubt I will always remain in my parents debt. The time, love and energy spent (all while currently in their mid 50′s) to take care of my little Bella and I and Andrew has been more than anyone could ever hope for. I will be inconsolable when the day comes for us to move out. Bitter bitter sweet could best describe that days emotions. In all truthfulness, I’m slightly upset discussing in a blog. Pathetic? No. I’m not ashamed to live with my parents and I’ll accept the stigma others may look at me with. So what you are married and have a house of your own? So what you have incredible jobs that both fulfill your dreams and your wallets. You are no better than I am. Plain and simple. Let’s be even more honest for a hot second: outside of myself, Andrew, my mother, father, sister & brother in law, and Erika, I don’t trust Bella with anyone. They don’t know her the way we do and thus, I could never expect her to be cared for properly. Is this a hurtful statement? Perhaps. Then again, maybe not. Seeing as effort has been severely lacking on some others parts. I don’t care if any of these words offend anyone, they are mine and I am too old and tired to hide my feelings because I’m “afraid” of what people might say.
Your fault.
I’m deeply disappointed by extended family and although it comes to me as no surprise, it still bothers me. I don’t know why, but it does. Every day gets a little easier and a little better, and the less I think of them, the happier I can make Bella’s life. Because I’m more pleasant when they are not involved. Mean mean mean. Oh well.
I know I am doing right by my daughter and if I am wrong by other’s standards, well, you can “suck a fuck.”
That is all for now. An abrupt end to an abrasive entry.
